7 things to love about your long distance relationship

long distance relationship

By Elephant on the Road

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I’m feeling very romantic. I finally have a date to see my boyfriend and after 5 months of distance, we will see each other again on February 18th. Which had me thinking… I should totally write a post about things to love about your long distance relationship. Because we all need encouraging words here and there. And what’s the best way to do it? By remembering all those great things that come with being in a long-distance relationship.

7 Things To Love About Your Long Distance Relationship. Relationship tips. LDR. Long distance relationships. Elephant on the Road.

THINGS TO LOVE ABOUT YOUR LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

1. YOU TRUST YOUR PARTNER

Being in a long-distance relationship can bring many insecurities at the beginning. The constant ‘what ifs’ can make the situation even worst. But everything gets better with time. For many can be hard to trust easily and being so far from your significant others force you to do it. I mean, if you are starting this relationship you must believe in your partner and trust that he or she won’t break your heart.

What other choices you have anyway? Go crazy with jealousy? Start fights over small things? That’s not healthy, and it makes the whole relationship harder to maintain. Just trust and hope for the best. This is one of my favorites things to love about your long distance relationship. You learn how to trust your partner so much, small things don’t bother you anymore.

2. YOU HAVE MORE TIME FOR YOURSELF

Relationships consume a lot of time, and I don’t say that as a bad thing. Spending your time with your significant other is an amazing thing. After all, we are with that person because we love to spend the time together. But at the same time, it’s good to have a balance between every aspect of your life. Your friends, family, school, work, and even your hobbies. Being in a long distance relationship makes that balance so much easier to achieve.

And even though you are doing something else, you can still be in contact via text message. Just remember that if your partner isn’t answering…  he or she is not avoiding you. They are just doing something else. I have to admit that I had a hard time understanding that when my boyfriend started working. We had more time when we both were in school and that suddenly changed. From getting texts throughout the day, to only certain times a day. The change was hard, but I learned to love the extra time to do something else.

3. YOU MASTER YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS

I have written about this issue many times. We all know how easily can be to misunderstand someone’s text message. This is something everybody can relate. It happens with friends, co-workers, literally everyone. We depend on emojis, and if we don’t use them, we risk sounding rude or upset. While in a long distance relationship the last things we want is, start a fight over something so silly, like sounding too rude in your message.

So after two years in this relationship, I have learned how to communicate my feelings and how to write them. Yes, I might be upset witing a message, but I have to add that extra smiley face because we aren’t together to work it out. And I don’t want to make it worst.

It takes times to understand it, but you learn eventually. Keeping your arguments to the minimum is the best. Although… we all know how hard that can be. Even if we try hard, even if we are conscious of it, we forget it. Or we are so into the argument, we choose not to remember it.

7 Things To Love About Your Long Distance Relationship. Relationship tips. LDR. Long distance relationships. Elephant on the Road.

4. CREATIVE WAYS TO SHOW YOUR LOVE

I love this part! I’m a very creative and crafty person and I’m always looking for new projects to work on and give them to my boyfriend. I have to add too, he loves everything I make. But I don’t only mean giving physical gifts (we can’t forget about how expensive shipping those gifts can be). Saying I love you over text can turn very monotone and meaningless. And you can think, okay then, how do I say I love you without saying it if the person is not with me to show it? That’s a great question! Because I always think about that too.

What do we do? That will depend on every person. I used to send my boyfriend small videos of me singing love songs or any song for that matter. We call them concerts and they are so much fun! Find little things to share with your significant other. It will make the relationship less monotonous.

5. WHO SAID TRAVELING?

Even if the distance is a few hours. You have to move to another city to see your significant other. For me, it means I have to travel to another country. Which can be expensive, but since I love traveling, I tried not to be upset about that issue.

Exploring new cities with my boyfriend it’s so fun! And being a tourist in your hometown is also something I always enjoy. For sure, this is one of the best things to love about your long distance relationship. It’s a great opportunity to do new things with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

6. DISTANCE STRAIGHTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Yes. There are moments when you don’t know what to do. Or moments when you ask yourself if you should keep going, not sure if the relationship is going somewhere. But once you pass those bad thoughts, things start to look brighter. With all the problems that come with long-distance relationships, something that I always remember is how lucky I am to go through this. Because it brings so many benefits to the relationship in the long run that it makes me feel grateful too.

7. YOU REALIZE HOW STRONG (AND PATIENT) YOU ARE

During the two years I’ve been in a long distance relationship, I’ve grown as a person. I feel and see the difference in me between before starting this relationship and after. For me, all good changes. I learned many things about me; one of them, realizing how patient I am. Also, how persistent I can be when I really want something.

And this is something I really want to highlight in this post about the things to love about your long distance relationship. It is so difficult to be far away from your significant other; and we are so focused on making the relationship work, that sometimes we forget about us. About how long distance relationships change us.

So what do you think about this post? Is there something else you love about long distance relationships? Let me know in the comments!

SINCERELY,
MELISSA

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Tips to keep your Long Distance Relationship strong

Relationship

By Zyra Kuma

Personally, being in a LDR (long distance relationship) has it’s ups and downs (like having to keep in touch with your significant other or not being able to be physically there for each.)

Even though people think you’re alone, it doesn’t mean you’re not.

I’ve been in a LDR with my boyfriend for 7 months now (by the time I’m writing this) but we’re still standing strong as ever because we know that we have goals to reach that include each other.

So if you’re in a long distance relationship, then here are 10 tips to keep your LDR together.

1. COMMUNICATE OFTEN BUT NOT ALWAYS

I know that some people say that communicating 247 everyday would make their relationship stronger. Maybe that’s just them but for me, I would have my alone times than spend every hour with my boyfriend. Why? Because sometimes, relationships can get boring and irritating when you have nothing to say or discuss with each other or you might even get too attached with each other! (Not a good thing at all)

2. Let your significant other know what you’re doing

Letting your partner know if you’re going out with friends or going to a club is a good thing because then you’ll be able to keep in touch with one another and know what’s going on in their daily life. Don’t forget to let your partner know what you’re up to! (except go to the bathroom.)

3. BE HOPEFUL AND POSITIVE

People who have been in a relationship for a long time would know that it’s tough having a LDR especially with the lack of physical interactions. But don’t worry, always be hopeful and positive because some day, who knows if you’ll either be able to get married and living with them.

4. HAVE SOME SPACE SOMETIMES

Same with the first tip, it can get really irritating, boring or “attachy” if you spend time communicating with your partner 247 along with distractions! Having space can be beneficial to both of you because 1. you’ll get your work done and 2. you’ll get this feeling where you miss them and have more things to talk about.

5. TRY THINGS TOGETHER

Who says LDR can be limited? (Miley says. Jokes.) But seriously, you get to still do things with each other like watch videos while voice calling or texting (that’s what my bf and I do), duo with each other on video games or video call and cook together. What is your favourite thing to do together if you’re in a LDR?

6. TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT YOUR GOALS IN THE FUTURE

My boyfriend and I love talking about the future. For example, my boyfriend and I are planning to split the bills, have two puppies etc. (but I won’t go further on talking about our future goals because that would take forever.)

7. BE HONEST

Being honest is the top number 1 thing that will keep ANY relationship together. If things turn from honesty to dishonesty, things will get a lot messier in the long run. Don’t forget to be honest to your partner.

8. BE OPEN

People may thing that keeping their problems in would cause no problem but it doesn’t. Be open to your partner in any relationship so you’ll feel relieved to let it out to someone who’s special and also, your partner will gain more trust in you.

9. HAVE A DEEP CONVERSATION

Ever stayed up all night talking to your bf/gf having these deep conversations and never wanting it to end? I have. It made my bf and I closer together. These deep conversations have an impact on our bond. It sure makes you lose track of time and have that feeling on how you fell in love with them in the first place.

10. TAKE TO ACCOUNT THAT VISITING THEM IN REAL LIFE IS A SPECIAL MOMENT

One thing that is great about this is that you’ll get this really happy, nervous and bubbly feeling inside when you haven’t seen someone for a very long time. So make sure you cherish those moments.

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Conflicts in a relationship

Conflict, break, fight, dispute, problem

There are fights in a relationship and it is inevitable. To keep the relationship still strong, there are something you have to think of. It’s how couples you react, that reveals, whether the relationship is stable or not. Here are some hints, how it works:

  1. Be respectful. No insults in any case.
  2. Mention about your feelings in a neutral way like when you do this and that, I feel xyz.
  3. Keep calm. Don’t raise your voice.
  4. At the end of the conversation confirm your partner, that you care about them. It is always good to feel loved.
  5. Make your expectation clear.

Signs she is using you

Signs she is using you

During the journey of finding the right woman, there is also a wrong one. Here are some signs to recognize them:

  1. The wrong one will use you for her validation, to go to fancy restaurants, for emotional support or for pleasure. So pay attention to these signs to find out, whether she is serious with you or not.
  2. She just got out of a bad relationship. It also can mean, that she is not interested in you.
  3. She is indecisive, because she doesn’t know, who to commit to. So she keeps the appointment open to see, whether there are better options.
  4. The relationship is secret. It’s not official and if she does it for a long time, that’s a big hint she will use to cheat on her partner.
  5. She doesn’t listen to you.

How to find a girlfriend / boyfriend

relationship

In order to find a partner, I had to actively look for a girlfriend, because I had no friends since I was 12 years old, I couldn’t rely on a social circle. I’ve found 2 ex girlfriends at a language exchange event, which was pretty fun. I’ve found another ex girlfriend on Instagram. She liked my uploaded picture and I checked, what kind of person it was. I notice, it was a pretty girl, so I direct message her right away. After dating several times we came closer. That was a beginning of a relationship.

I’ve also asked many other couples, where they’ve met their partner. An old colleague told me, he met his girlfriend at a beer festival. Another guy told me, he found his girlfriend at the subway station. A lady told me, she found her husband at a bar in Germany. I mention Germany, because bars and clubs in Europe are totally different to Asia. It has another meaning. From what I’ve heard so far many people find their partner at the workplace. Since I couldn’t make friends at my workplace, I had to actively go out.

It is also good to work on yourself like changing to a more positive mindset. Me personally, I find it very attractive having a partner having a sense of humor. You spend a lot of time on your job. If you don’t like it for whatever reason, it will be recommendable to change. Whatever doesn’t make you happy. Same with the place, you are living in. If you don’t like the place, you are living it, move to another place. Change it. Change it for the better. A more fulfilling job. A passionate hobby.

All in all. Be active!

PS:

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It’s time to end this relationship

Breakup

Relationship can be healed, but with these kind of signs it’s not possible to fix it any more. So it is better to move on and look for a more appropriate partner:

 

  1. Love becomes hate. It doesn’t matter what kind of reason it is. No relationship is based on hate, but on love, so it is time to end it.
  2. Constant blame and shame. Care and respect is also part of the relationship, but a broken one puts the partner down or blaming them, that it is all their fault.
  3. Abuse. No type of the abuse should be tolerated. Neither physically nor emotionally.
  4. Blame. You are blamed for everything. Everything is your fault.
  5. Betrayals. It’s not only sexual betrayals, but also emotional one. You don’t feel secure.
  6. No plans with the significant other. Your partner is pushing you out of her/his life.
  7. Little communication. Communication is the key to get closer, but if your significant other only talks to you, when it is necessary, it’s time to end the relationship then.
  8. The relationship is secret. You are not mentioned on her Facebook, instagram etc.
  9. You get hurt constantly. You are misunderstood, hurt and angry all the time.
  10. You are not a priority. Your significant partner is always busy. Busy with friends. Busy with family. Busy with work. Busy with himself or herself. If she or he wants you, he or she will come to you, although he or she lives thousands of kilometers far away from you.


How to find out, whether she (still) loves you

love, relationship

First of all I want to clarify, what love is, so that you know, that it isn’t lust, infatuation or something else. Love is an emotional bond and intimacy, that can be started by sexual desire or attraction. A desire of being together. That’s why, it leads to a long term relationship. It make you want to fight for the relationship instead of letting it fall apart. Now, you know what love is, it is good to know, whether she (still) loves you. There are many reasons, why people aare in a relationship, but if you want to be in a romantic relationship, it is a good idea to pay attentions to these signs, whether she (still) loves you:

  1. She wants to spend time with you. Although there are other duties like work, school, family etc. She still makes free time to spend time with you, because it makes her happy to be around you.
  2. She is interested in your life. When she is interested in your. She also asks you, how your day was.
  3. She includes you. Whatever she wants to do, she asks you, whether you are satisfied with her decision. Compromises is a big thing.
  4. Less love and affection. She made you feel happy and loved, but it’s getting less.
  5. Preocuppied during dates. It seems like your partner is only physically present, but not emotionally.
  6. Silence. You could talk about anything and everything, but now you always have to start the conversation.
  7. Blaming. She starts failing at things and will blame you for her failures.
  8. Spending time with others. There is a different with having an own life and no interest like going out with her friends for some hours or constantly spending more work hours till 10pm.
  9. No explanations. It’s like you are not the time and effort, so it’s also a sign of no respect.
  10. Not looking at you. It’s not about gazing into each other’s eyes for hours. It’s more about being interested and emotional connection, but now she doesn’t do it any more.
  11. Not talking about the past. Talking about the good moments, you’ve spent together, is a good way to strengthen the bond of your relationship, but she doesn’t talk about it any more, so she is not interested in strengthen the relationship. So it’s a bad sign.
  12. She doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.
  13. No happyness. It might be, that it is your partner’s intention to make you feel that way to end the relationship mutually.

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How to get over your ex

broken heart

There are many reasons, why you broke up, but it usually comes with increasing stress and fights in the relationship. So after breaking up, it is a good idea not to contact your ex for while to get emotionally distant from it.

There comes a phase, where you think, you might try again and work things out or doing couple therapy or something like that. You might even get sad and everything reminds you of your ex. If you want to get back to your ex, you will improve yourself in terms of appearance and behaviors, but if you don’t want to get to your ex back, here is my favorite way to get over the ex. Simply just find another girlfriend. In best case a better one then before. I’ve asked many couples, where they’ve met each other.

Here are there replies: in a tram, on a festival, through friends, in a bar, in a club etc. So there are many places, where you are able to find your significant other. To find a girlfriend as soon as possible you better to go out and actively look for her or even change the country to search like I did. Last but not least, speed dating is an efficient way to meet many ladies in a short time.

Here is another article, that might be interesting for you: How to avoid break ups

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How to keep a relationship

relationship

For sure love is very important for a romantic relationship, but it still not enough. It requires more effort from both partners. Here are some of the many ways to keep a relationship:

  1. Positive/negative ratio                                                                                                          In order to have a solid relationship the amount of positive experiences have to outweigh the negative one. There is a special ratio for that and it is 4:1. So if there is a conflict, which is negative, there should be 4 positive experiences afterwards, before a new negative experience comes in. So, it is a good idea to focus on the positive. Think positive and talk positive like I’m happy to come home in a clean house.
  2. Keep the relationship fresh                                                                                              You will get bored after a while, but there is a way to keep it alive by constantly trying new activities together. Addtionally, it also can be couple rituals like dating on every saturday or talking half an hour before going to bed.
  3. Take the relationship easy                                                                                            When your partner says something bothering, just respond it with a joke instead of becoming defensive.
  4. Common goal                                                                                                                   Being a team is good way to strengthen the bond between you. So both of you should make a future plan, that everybody is happy about.
  5. Respect your partner’s privacy                                                                                       The paradox of the relationship, that we want closeness and space. So the solution is to find a balance between it.
  6. AAA                                                                                                                                           It stands for apology, affection and action. If you do something, that annoys your partner, you can do these 3 things and calm them down. First to tell your partner, that you are sorry, that you’ve hurt them. Second is being affectionate like giving a hug or kiss and the last one is to promise to not repeat again.
  7. Support your partner                                                                                                    Helping them to achieve their goal is one way to support your partner, but there are many other ways to do it like listening to your partner, giving compliments, giving them necessary information etc.
  8. Open up yourself                                                                                                                  It’s a key to emotional intimacy. Tell your partner, how you feel, your fears, needs and wants, so your partner has got a chance to satisfy you.
  9. Showing your love                                                                                                              Telling your partner, that you love them is good. Additionally, show your love is better. For example by making breakfast for your partner or buy a little surprise gift while shopping etc.
  10. Fight fair                                                                                                                                   It’s not about winning the battle. It’s more about compromising, so that both partners are satisfied.

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