Kategorie: Relationship

There are fights in a relationship and it is inevitable. To keep the relationship still strong, there are something you have to think of. It’s how couples you react, that reveals, whether the relationship is stable or not. Here are some hints, how it works:

1. Be respectful. No insults in any case.
2. Mention about your feelings in a neutral way like when you do this and that, I feel xyz.
3. Keep calm. Don’t raise your voice.
4. At the end of the conversation confirm your partner, that you care about them. It is always good to feel loved.
5. Make your expectation clear.

During the journey of finding the right woman, there is also a wrong one. Here are some signs to recognize them:

1. The wrong one will use you for her validation, to go to fancy restaurants, for emotional support or for pleasure. So pay attention to these signs to find out, whether she is serious with you or not.
2. She just got out of a bad relationship. It also can mean, that she is not interested in you.
3. She is indecisive, because she doesn’t know, who to commit to. So she keeps the appointment open to see, whether there are better options.
4. The relationship is secret. It’s not official and if she does it for a long time, that’s a big hint she will use to cheat on her partner.
5. She doesn’t listen to you.

In order to find a partner, I had to actively look for a girlfriend, because I had no friends since I was 12 years old, I couldn’t rely on a social circle. I’ve found 2 ex girlfriends at a language exchange event, which was pretty fun. I’ve found another ex girlfriend on Instagram. She liked my uploaded picture and I checked, what kind of person it was. I notice, it was a pretty girl, so I direct message her right away. After dating several times we came closer. That was a beginning of a relationship.

I’ve also asked many other couples, where they’ve met their partner. An old colleague told me, he met his girlfriend at a beer festival. Another guy told me, he found his girlfriend at the subway station. A lady told me, she found her husband at a bar in Germany. I mention Germany, because bars and clubs in Europe are totally different to Asia. It has another meaning. From what I’ve heard so far many people find their partner at the workplace. Since I couldn’t make friends at my workplace, I had to actively go out.

It is also good to work on yourself like changing to a more positive mindset. Me personally, I find it very attractive having a partner having a sense of humor. You spend a lot of time on your job. If you don’t like it for whatever reason, it will be recommendable to change. Whatever doesn’t make you happy. Same with the place, you are living in. If you don’t like the place, you are living it, move to another place. Change it. Change it for the better. A more fulfilling job. A passionate hobby.

All in all. Be active!

PS:

• Follow me on Quora! I answer many questions on that platform: Quora – Denis Doan
• Other related articles: How to keep a relationship, It’s time to end the relationship

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In Quora there is a good question about breakup with many followers. Check it out: What did you do after breakup.

Relationship can be healed, but with these kind of signs it’s not possible to fix it any more. So it is better to move on and look for a more appropriate partner:

1. Love becomes hate. It doesn’t matter what kind of reason it is. No relationship is based on hate, but on love, so it is time to end it.
2. Constant blame and shame. Care and respect is also part of the relationship, but a broken one puts the partner down or blaming them, that it is all their fault.
3. Abuse. No type of the abuse should be tolerated. Neither physically nor emotionally.
4. Blame. You are blamed for everything. Everything is your fault.
5. Betrayals. It’s not only sexual betrayals, but also emotional one. You don’t feel secure.
6. No plans with the significant other. Your partner is pushing you out of her/his life.
7. Little communication. Communication is the key to get closer, but if your significant other only talks to you, when it is necessary, it’s time to end the relationship then.
8. The relationship is secret. You are not mentioned on her Facebook, instagram etc.
9. You get hurt constantly. You are misunderstood, hurt and angry all the time.
10. You are not a priority. Your significant partner is always busy. Busy with friends. Busy with family. Busy with work. Busy with himself or herself. If she or he wants you, he or she will come to you, although he or she lives thousands of kilometers far away from you.

First of all I want to clarify, what love is, so that you know, that it isn’t lust, infatuation or something else. Love is an emotional bond and intimacy, that can be started by sexual desire or attraction. A desire of being together. That’s why, it leads to a long term relationship. It make you want to fight for the relationship instead of letting it fall apart. Now, you know what love is, it is good to know, whether she (still) loves you. There are many reasons, why people aare in a relationship, but if you want to be in a romantic relationship, it is a good idea to pay attentions to these signs, whether she (still) loves you:

1. She wants to spend time with you. Although there are other duties like work, school, family etc. She still makes free time to spend time with you, because it makes her happy to be around you.
2. She is interested in your life. When she is interested in your. She also asks you, how your day was.
3. She includes you. Whatever she wants to do, she asks you, whether you are satisfied with her decision. Compromises is a big thing.
4. Less love and affection. She made you feel happy and loved, but it’s getting less.
5. Preocuppied during dates. It seems like your partner is only physically present, but not emotionally.
6. Silence. You could talk about anything and everything, but now you always have to start the conversation.
7. Blaming. She starts failing at things and will blame you for her failures.
8. Spending time with others. There is a different with having an own life and no interest like going out with her friends for some hours or constantly spending more work hours till 10pm.
9. No explanations. It’s like you are not the time and effort, so it’s also a sign of no respect.
10. Not looking at you. It’s not about gazing into each other’s eyes for hours. It’s more about being interested and emotional connection, but now she doesn’t do it any more.
11. Not talking about the past. Talking about the good moments, you’ve spent together, is a good way to strengthen the bond of your relationship, but she doesn’t talk about it any more, so she is not interested in strengthen the relationship. So it’s a bad sign.
12. She doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.
13. No happyness. It might be, that it is your partner’s intention to make you feel that way to end the relationship mutually.

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There are many reasons, why you broke up, but it usually comes with increasing stress and fights in the relationship. So after breaking up, it is a good idea not to contact your ex for while to get emotionally distant from it.

There comes a phase, where you think, you might try again and work things out or doing couple therapy or something like that. You might even get sad and everything reminds you of your ex. If you want to get back to your ex, you will improve yourself in terms of appearance and behaviors, but if you don’t want to get to your ex back, here is my favorite way to get over the ex. Simply just find another girlfriend. In best case a better one then before. I’ve asked many couples, where they’ve met each other.

Here are there replies: in a tram, on a festival, through friends, in a bar, in a club etc. So there are many places, where you are able to find your significant other. To find a girlfriend as soon as possible you better to go out and actively look for her or even change the country to search like I did. Last but not least, speed dating is an efficient way to meet many ladies in a short time.

Here is another article, that might be interesting for you: How to avoid break ups

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For sure love is very important for a romantic relationship, but it still not enough. It requires more effort from both partners. Here are some of the many ways to keep a relationship:

1. Positive/negative ratio                                                                                                          In order to have a solid relationship the amount of positive experiences have to outweigh the negative one. There is a special ratio for that and it is 4:1. So if there is a conflict, which is negative, there should be 4 positive experiences afterwards, before a new negative experience comes in. So, it is a good idea to focus on the positive. Think positive and talk positive like I’m happy to come home in a clean house.
2. Keep the relationship fresh                                                                                              You will get bored after a while, but there is a way to keep it alive by constantly trying new activities together. Addtionally, it also can be couple rituals like dating on every saturday or talking half an hour before going to bed.
3. Take the relationship easy                                                                                            When your partner says something bothering, just respond it with a joke instead of becoming defensive.
4. Common goal                                                                                                                   Being a team is good way to strengthen the bond between you. So both of you should make a future plan, that everybody is happy about.
5. Respect your partner’s privacy                                                                                       The paradox of the relationship, that we want closeness and space. So the solution is to find a balance between it.
6. AAA                                                                                                                                           It stands for apology, affection and action. If you do something, that annoys your partner, you can do these 3 things and calm them down. First to tell your partner, that you are sorry, that you’ve hurt them. Second is being affectionate like giving a hug or kiss and the last one is to promise to not repeat again.
7. Support your partner                                                                                                    Helping them to achieve their goal is one way to support your partner, but there are many other ways to do it like listening to your partner, giving compliments, giving them necessary information etc.
8. Open up yourself                                                                                                                  It’s a key to emotional intimacy. Tell your partner, how you feel, your fears, needs and wants, so your partner has got a chance to satisfy you.
9. Showing your love                                                                                                              Telling your partner, that you love them is good. Additionally, show your love is better. For example by making breakfast for your partner or buy a little surprise gift while shopping etc.
10. Fight fair                                                                                                                                   It’s not about winning the battle. It’s more about compromising, so that both partners are satisfied.

Check out other related articles: Does he/she still loves me? To stay up to date, just like my Facebook Fanpage: The Doan’s Blog